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Kissing frogs, living through it, and writing to tell about it.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Still Looking For a Prince

Well, the Prince I thought I found turned out to be a toad in disguise. So, after a year and a half of dating, a brief engagement, and a year of nursing a broken heart back to health, I find myself back in the dating game.

It has been about a month since I decided it was time to give dating a try again. My experiences so far:

Guy 1: A friend from back home set me up with a friend of her fiance. He is a nomadic, long-distance truck driver. She gives him my phone number, and we text back and forth for a couple of weeks. She has sent me a picture of him in his truck, and he is a big guy, but I can see how he could be cute. After a couple of days of texting, he tells me, "There are parts of my life that people wouldn't understand". Hmmm... intriguing. "Like what?", I ask him. He sends me a picture of himself. In a wig, dress, and makeup. He is a drag queen. Initially, I am freaked out. As a woman who was raised in a strict & sheltered Christian home, I don't relate to this lifestyle. However, after some research online and a couple of days to think about it, I decide, maybe I can handle that. I mean, it isn't much different from my friends who dress as Pokemon characters and go to Anime conventions, right? So I tell him I would still like to talk to him and get to know him. Then he tells me he is into BDSM, and is a "male Anastasia Steele, looking for his female Christian Grey". For fun, he likes to do "crafts", which is creating floggers and other props for the BDSM lifestyle. The last straw is when he sends me a picture of his "dream"... It is a man in stockings, getting poked in the arse by a woman with a strap-on while giving his front parts happy time. He is a nice guy, but I don't think we are romantically compatible.

Guy 2: Against my better judgement, I re-activated my POF (which should stand for "Plenty of Frogs") account. The first message I got was from a local guy who used proper spelling and grammar, and had similar interests to me. Score! Day 2 of talking, he "accidentally" sends me a picture of his penis. A few minutes later, I get a second picture, this time not so "accidentally". The following day is a 3rd penis picture. He has just had hernia surgery, so he is somewhat laid up at the moment, but we do meet for coffee. I arrive first, and when I walk in, I don't see anyone who looks like the guy who has, by now, sent me well over 20 pictures of himself (clothed, thankfully). I get a text asking me where I am. I respond that I am inside, and inquire where he is. He says he is in his truck. I tell him to come inside. When he does come inside, he barely looks at me, barely speaks, and doesn't seem at all happy to be there. We order drinks and sit down. I do most of the talking, while he looks around distractedly, and plays with his phone. I'm about to leave, because clearly he is not feeling this at all, when he puts his phone down and tells me, "I sent you a text". I look at my phone, and it says, "I'm shy, can you tell?" We then proceed to have one of the weirdest dates of my life, as we text back and forth across the table, mostly about sexual innuendos, which I've learned by now, is basically all this guy wants to talk about. After 20 minutes, he stands up as if he's about to go. He says he is going to his truck, but I can come, too. In his truck, he pokes my boob, pretends to go for my crotch (although I'm sure it wouldn't have been "pretend" if I had let him), and mostly sits in silence. After a few minutes, he says, "Ok, I'll drive you to your car." We continued to talk for a couple of weeks via text (and one brief phone call, where he barely said anything and then texted me WHILE WE WERE ON THE PHONE to yet again mention how shy he is), mostly about sex, even though he insists he is looking for a relationship, and not just sex (and repeatedly reiterates that he is "shy"). When I tell him he doesn't seem interested in getting to know me, because he doesn't ask me anything about myself, and only wants to talk about his penis, he gets angry. When I don't text him right away, he sends "Lalalalala". When I catch him in a lie, he turns it around on ME and makes me out to be the bad guy. After a two-week, emotional roller coaster, I finally cut this one loose. Clearly he is not ready for a mature relationship.

Guy 3: This one was the biggest disappointment, because it started off so well, and ended so quickly. We met one Sunday night on POF. We spent all day Monday texting, and we had so much in common. We both commented how excited we were to meet someone that we seemed so compatible with. Monday night he came over to my house, and we watched the previous night's episode of The Walking Dead, as we had both missed it. Then we spent some time talking, and there was some kissing ;) A couple of nights later he met my friend and I at the gym we all go to, and afterwards we went out for dinner. We made plans to go bowling that weekend, which were re-scheduled for Wednesday, when it would be half the price. He talked about surprising me after work on Friday, but when I raced home excitedly, he wasn't there, and I didn't hear from him again that night. We talked about doing something Sunday, but the weather was bad, so when that didn't happen, I chalked it up to that. He was supposed to come over Monday after I got out of class. I texted him a couple of times throughout the day to confirm, and around 8:30 pm I got a text, "Sorry tonight didn't work out". Nothing else. Tuesday he texted me while I was at work and asked if I wanted to meet up after work to grab something to eat. I texted and called, and no reply. Wednesday we texted back and forth about meeting up that night, and 20 minutes before we were supposed to be at bowling, I asked him what time we were meeting up. He said, "I don't know, I'm kind of tired." Bowling didn't happen. Thursday I barely heard anything from him. Taking the hint that he's "just not that into me" (http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/30-signs-that-someone-isnt-interested-or-is-half-heartedly-interested-in-you-how-to-avoid-being-a-passing-time-candidate/), I told him what I thought of his shitty behavior, and unsurprisingly, I never heard from him again.

According to the Internet, this behavior is called, "Ghosting", and for all you girls out there who have met the morons that partake in this behavior and are wondering what is up, here's some information that might help:

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/why-men-ghost

http://amandadecadenet.com/love/how-to-handle-a-houdini-what-to-do-when-a-guy-pulls-a-disappearing-act/

http://www.refinery29.com/date-disappearing-ghosting

http://madamenoire.com/168933/disappearing-acts-why-men-suddenly-stop-calling/

http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/guys-disappear-deal/

http://www.ellyklein.com/dignity

http://www.gurl.com/2014/04/05/how-to-deal-if-your-crush-ghosts-you-disappears-blows-you-off/#1

At this rate, I'll be fishing for a while. :-/


***Edit: I recently learned some information about Guy #3 from someone who knows him. These revelations regarding his character make me realize how lucky I am that this guy disappeared on me. It never would have worked out anyway. I definitely dodged a bullet there. 

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