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Kissing frogs, living through it, and writing to tell about it.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Could You Pass His Test?

"Do people really read these profiles? I can save you some time. Take this test. I have to warn you: Women who have been treated, deservedly so, like princesses their entire life will do exceptionally well on this test.

1 – Which of the following animals do you like? (1 point for each)
a. Dogs or wolves
b. Birds
c. Dinosaurs
d. Cats (-1 point)

2 – People usually describe you as:
a. Sweet, charming, and feminine (+5)
b. Maternal and caring (+5)
c. Stubborn, domineering, and pushy (-2)
d. Someone who won't shut up about "social justice" (-5)

If you have accumulated some points so far, hit me up, we might be destined for great things! If not, keep going:

3 – You like your man to communicate to you primarily with: (1 point each)
a. Steely gazes
b. Slaps on the butt
c. Tears and sobbing (-2)
d. Winks

4 – The first meal you'll cook:
a. A traditional recipe passed down from your grandmother (+4)
b. Carefully selected from your library of cook books and from original ingredients (+2)
c. Reheated crap (-5)
d. "I never cook; I'm a modern woman." (-10,000)

Total up your points:

11+: Marry me!
9+: Wow! You're amazing! Women like you still exist in Western Civilization? You're from a good family.
7+: You show serious promise!
5+: It could go either way. Who knows? We'd have to meet in person.
3+: eehhhhhhh
below 3: Modern feminism has ruined you. Buy a cat and freeze your eggs. Good luck, harpy!

NOTE: If you're enraged right now: Be careful! You'll tell your friends you hate me while being incredibly, magnetically attracted to me. Despite all your brainwashing, you'll be entranced. You might even learn the joys of being a sweet, feminine women who has a strong, masculine man in her life. Be careful!

If you laughed at any of this, or if you are anything other than enraged right now: Congratulation! You're healthy and beautiful. Don't let the haters drag you down. They just say that stuff because they realize you're naturally more desirable."

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