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Kissing frogs, living through it, and writing to tell about it.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

It Started Off Well

I give this guy props for a genuinely witty introduction. However, major fail for wasting space and time with needless sarcasm. I still don't know what he's looking for...

"For our first date we should head over to Walmart. You wouldn't have to get all dressed up an stuff, I could find out what your favorite beer was and you could find out if I blush when we walk through the lingerie section. If that does not work for you, we can make other plans :) "

That's actually kind of cute... Unfortunately, the rest of the profile is not.

Since every other man on this website is a very nice, sincere, bla bla bla, I decided to lie too. So a little about me:
- I have a boring job
- I am looking for a crazy lady for unfulfilling relationship, and future divorce.
- I enjoy smoking, petty theft, drinking, pornography, and self-righteous indignation.
- I would kill to win the Nobel Peace prize.
- I win arguments by bursts of irrational shouting like I see from the talking heads on TV every day.
- I have no personal opinions of my own, because I am shallow and petty.
- I have middling intelligence but try to appear smarter by affecting a world-weary air, memorizing pointless quotes of classical works, and chuckling at my own mean-spirited, agenda-driven jokes.
- I'm almost 30, but look 55 and feel 64.

You are perfect if::
- You are whiny, crazy with a misplaced sense of entitlement and utopic expectations.
- In time you will become coolly hostile when I don't fulfill every unmet need you've ever had.
- While you are technically still married, your husband doesn't seem to care - or so you assure me.
- Through a technicality you are currently not under court supervision or otherwise grounded so we can actually do stuff.
- You filled your profile with generalities, and yet you expect guys to guess what you are interested in when writing to you.
- You feel very strongly about woman's rights and equality when it suits your purpose.
- You blame everything on your period.
- A big plus is if you just finished dating every guy in town but now want to take your time with me."

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