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Kissing frogs, living through it, and writing to tell about it.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Random Observations

Here are some random observations I've made from my recent foray into online dating:

-One guy lists "donating sperm" and "avoiding tax fraud" as his interests. He also thinks "ice fishing or hurricane surfing" would be good first dates. I can't tell if he's attempting to be funny because he thinks he will attract a girl this way, or if he's just a dick.

- Another guy states in his headline, "If conversation was an art id be friggin Vango lol"... I think he's means "Van Gogh". He also says in his profile, "During the week ima plumber on the weekends I'm a chip and dale dancer", "I'm good as long as your mustache isn't thicker than mine", and "I am not a scorpio Im a sagitarius but for some reason november 22nd is scorpio to them" (???)

- One man has three pictures on his profile: two are from when he was a baby, the third is of his dog. I get it, you were cute 30 years ago, and now you are a troll, but do you really want to try to start a relationship with a woman without divulging how you look? There is someone for everyone, and somewhere out there is a girl who will look past your un-attractive features, but it is less likely that you will find a girl who will be okay with your mis-leading her about your appearance. To highlight the fact that he's not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, his profile starts off with, "First of all, let me ask, can we upload pics we have on Facebook to here on POF? The 2 pics I have on here now are a bit outdated, as you would agree. And I don't have a scanner. Please, somebody help me out here!" o-O

- There was a guy who used an image of Brad Pitt as his profile pic, but now he doesn't have any picture at all. I would give him the same advice as the guy above ^. 

- The heading of a very obese, very un-attractive man is, "Can I lick you up an down"... I have never wanted to throw up so much before in my life. (Those seven words are the only ones he typed on his entire profile... there are millions of words in the English vocabulary, and those are the seven he chooses to grace the online dating world with...)

- I came across the profile of an African American who looked like Jesus, with dreads past his belly button. His headline is, "BE REAL STOP ALL THE FAKEN", his interests are "BE REAL IF UR FAKE KICK ROCKS" (which had me very confused, until I realized he was just missing a well-placed coma), and he thinks a first date should be, "WHATEVR U LIKE". His about me section was even more difficult to decipher... "Desachico likes maken money!!! haven fun GOING OUT 2 EAT or just chilln in the house.WE CAN DO WHATEVR U LIKE.Music i listen 2 GOGO,R&B,RAP,some Reggae.I work alot of hours so sometimes i just be chlln restn saven money for a rainy day.Hobbies im in love with diamondz and gold and YOU LOL.up date now im thkn abt alligator sneakers i need 2 stp lol just love life !y hate".... Pass.

- Probably the most cringe-worthy profile I've come across features a man sitting on a rusting, riding lawn mower, holding a beer and a shotgun. His profile says, "look im not looking for drama bs i wanna woman who aint affraid to get dirty go fishing some nascar camping so lemme know whats up. if given the chanve i promise to be there when uur ill give u my shoulder to cry on hold hair when u pukin give u my every second to make u hapy hold u hand when ur down listen to u comfort u im very honest and true if ur willing to gimme chance hears me belowe. im 6-4 275 17 tatts im a great guy who knows how to treat a woman im a vol firefighter i love racing i have a racecar i race i am a dad of a wonderfull lil boy 14months old i have been threw alot and i dont want drama or bs i love to cook cuddle camp fish sit back with a scary movie i love all kinds of music im not so u should be the same so if u wanan chat more lemme know i also love to text". He must REALLY love to text, because it's listed as one of his interests, along with "nascar", "cuddling cookingwalkin", and "watchin good movies".

- There are ANGRY people online! One guy lists his interests as, "im so sick and tired of games and fake people on here if your profile tells who you really are then"....? He then starts his profile off with, "Are there any real woman out there are not fake and full of bs, then with that said Hi My names robert and I'm not here to play any mind games, or a one night stand. I want a woman who is not going to judge distance, judge people, not afraid of being herself, stands up for her beliefs and most of all would never change for anyone. So if you are sincere about wanting that magical feeling then please hit me up, If not then please look else where... ONE LAST THING, IF YOU ARE NOT SINCERE, THEN PLEASE DON'T WASTE MY TIME!!! p.s if you are going to judge me then don't waste my time on here i have better things to do then worry about what you think of me. Also if you are adult and want to play games then my best advice to you is to GROW UP AND BE ADULT AND NOT SOME 5 YEAR OLD"...

- A second (equally, or more) angry guy wrote, "Note!:I have children, which you might call baggage, they do come first, deal with it or piss off with kindness :). Secondly, I come to realize that I dislike skinny or (super skinny women I should put it). They are usually shallow and as ugly as their personality personally. Eat more food and develop manners lol. Lastly...if you put in your profile anything like "I'm not a booty call", or "not looking for a one night stand", or "looking for a man that doesn't want just sex" and your profile has you doing shots of your tits hanging out and your ass showing everywhere and you are drawing attention to your "goods" then don't expect to get the type of man you are looking for. Truth is you "ARE" looking for sex, you are just trying to attract the right guy...good luck with that, if you truly want a man that wants you just for your personality here is a tip. Put your tits a way as well as your ass, stop dressing like a skank whore and stop being a pathetic example to your children and wonder why your daughter is pregnant at the age of 14. This especially goes to the girls who say they are "Christian" (about as Christian as Hitler was a swell guy) Just sayin'. If I come off abrasive or offend you its not my intention, I just dislike hypocrites. I'm a very kind guy, I just like to put the truth in perspective. Update: If you have on your profile information like "[a female online dater]" about not talking to someone because they are ugly? You ARE a waste of human flesh, selfish and do not deseve a place with humanity...for real, not opinion. If people are subjected by people for the way they look and treat them inferior then these people are selfish, worthless, and all in all terrible people that should never breed becuase they will spread their superficial bullsh*tto their young." 
 His idea of the perfect first date? "We will see, nothing mind blowing."
 Wow. I understand that online dating is frustrating (believe me, I understand!), but your profile is how you sell yourself, which you do by putting your best foot forward. Angry, rude, offensive, derogatory, hostile profiles like this are probably why you are single! No one wants to date such a person, and by putting out this energy, you are saying, "this is me, on my best behavior", which will only leave ladies wondering just how bad you are at your worst.

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