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Kissing frogs, living through it, and writing to tell about it.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Dick Pics... not okay!

I'm pretty sure I've written about this topic before, but it bears repeating... Sending a girl an un-solicited, out-of-the-blue, she-never-saw-it-coming (pun intended) picture of your junk is NEVER OKAY!! (Sometimes it's okay... as in, we've been together for a long time and I KNOW she'll think it's hot because she has explicitly told me so). Otherwise.... no.


I don't understand when it became acceptable for a guy to randomly & without invitation or notice send a woman a picture of his man-parts. As someone who has spent some time in the cesspool that is online dating, I have been on the receiving end of many such pictures. I used to be shocked, but now I just laugh & show all my friends.

Guys... women do NOT think this is hot! It does NOT turn us on! What it does is tell us that,

1) You are selfish and only care about yourself
2) You are only looking for a hook-up
3) You are an ass
4) You will NEVER see us naked. We will not reciprocate, and we no longer have any interest in seeing/meeting/getting to know you. You are done here. Move along. Goodbye.

I did some research to try and find out why guys do this... why they think this is an acceptable and okay thing to do... I didn't learn much, other than guys who will send someone a picture of themselves in full frontal nudity are not worth getting to know (but I already knew that), but the comments on some articles I came across are muy hystericals. So, for your enjoyment as well, here ya go.

http://jezebel.com/should-you-send-a-lady-a-dick-pic-a-guide-for-men-885697791 (my favorite article, by far, in the history of ever)

http://guff.com/glt-women-and-penis-pics/20?ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2 (A VERY entertaining video of women responding to dick pics)

http://www.yourtango.com/2015272401/6-responses-will-guaranteed-to-shut-down-unwanted-sexting

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/sex/why-does-he-text-me-photos-of-his-penis/?hc_location=ufi

http://www.refinery29.com/why-men-send-nude-dick-pictures?hc_location=ufi#slide

So, in conclusion, guys, stop sending us pics of your bits. We don't want them. Seriously. Stop.
Ladies, if you are on the receiving line of such a picture, break it off (contact, not the...you know.) You seriously don't need that kind of negativity in your life. ;)

Thursday, March 26, 2015

RUN!!

There are a couple of episodes of Criminal Minds starring Tim Curry as the serial killer. He is unkept, with rotten teeth, bloodshot eyes, and extreme stubble. He creeps me the eff out. I can't watch those episodes. Ever. Even in broad daylight. Regular Tim Curry is freaky. Serial killer Tim Curry is like a room full of creepy clowns laughing their creepy clown laughs and walking slowly (or quickly) toward you with a very large ax.

There is a guy on POF. He looks like the serial killer Tim Curry. He's creepy as eff. I'm sure he's a nice guy. I HOPE he's a nice guy. But I can't look at him without thinking Tim Curry is going to tie me to a bed and set me on fire.

It doesn't help that the first line of his profile says, "I'm looking for someone to start off as friends that could lead to a long term relationship with someone & eventually move in with me at my place."


My Car is On Fire... But I Got Marshmallows

"First Date
I pick you up. You get in. There are candles in the car. You go, "Is this dangerous?" and I go, "Yes—but I like danger."

We go to your favorite restaurant, we have drinks and a fantastic meal. We come outside and we see my car’s on fire. You go, "Jason, your car’s on fire! Aren’t you upset?" I pull out a bag of marshmallows and I go, "No. I knew this was gonna happen." Drop the mic (and by mic I mean the bag of marshmallows).

And then I kiss you, in front of my burning car, while valet is roasting our marshmallows."
 
 
Remind me to bring a fire extinguisher...
 
 

Poets Need Love, Too

"About Jay
I hold my pillow tight,
As if it was you at night;

For us Love is right,
not going without a fight;

Take you for a bite,
steal a kiss, I might;

Take you to new heights,
Launch our love out of sight;

Now our lives will shine bright.

~Jay Lee"
 
I feel like I know him so much more now, ya know? 

Is This the Electronics Forum? No??

 This guy clearly thought he was on a gaming forum, not a dating site...

"About Me
Hello Future!

I'm seriously contemplating buying either an XBOX or a Playstation. Not really sure which one is better, but it seem that you can find the same popular games for both.  Madden, Halo, World of Warcraft, Grand Theft Auto, and the most popular, Call of Duty.  What's crazy is I've never played either, but the majority of my friends do.  They literally spend hours playing in tournaments, researching cheat codes, buying the latest controllers, head phones with microphones, challenging people with weird screen names online, reading blogs and forums and get this... They are almost all married!

The last time I played a video game, I was holding a gray and orange plastic gun up to the floor-model tv screen, trying to kill ducks... Yeah you guessed it, Duck Hunt! Try as I may, I could never shoot that stupid dog and I got tired of blowing in the cartridges, just to get them to work. LOL! “I bet you did it too!” In hindsight, I never saved the Princess or knocked out Mike Tyson either... Needless to say, I've never been any good at “playing games.”

I'm old-school, instead of an XBOX, I have a tool box. Instead of a Playstation, I have a workstation... As a kid, I cried to go outside. While my friends were busy playing Excite Bike on Nintendo, I was busy building ramps to jump on my BMX, building fortresses out of cardboard boxes, throwing rocks, playing hopscotch, jumping double-dutch with my sister, shooting bottles with BB guns, catching bees on honeysuckles with my bare hands, playing tackle football in the street with no pads, and I can go all day with this... but I’m sure you get my point.


What I’m looking for:

I’m attracted to intelligence, goal-driven women with Claire Huxtable elegance, assets not asses, classy not classless, Linked In not Instagram, more paper than plastic...

Lastly: Originally from the South, I've circled the globe several times and I am a jack of all trades... I can fix just about anything! 100% Southern Gentleman"

Is This a Job Resume?

"About Jon:

Apparently POF wont let me show a picture of my face if I have my shirt off...or If I have a shirt on. Hypocrisy since I have no less than 10 women on my match list without there face in the picture."

Funny! 

"First Date:

We meet. I Love your look. I take your pictures. TFP"

TFP.... according to Google, TFP = "Time For Prints". Photography expression meaning the model will get prints of the shots for their time spent modelling. This is not a paid shoot. It's TFP. 

So... he's using POF to promote his photography skills. And he can't post a picture of himself. So, chicks meet up with him in some random, secluded locale so he can photograph them? Yeah, that's not sketchy. Not at all. 

Keepin' It Real

If Snoop Dogg and Flava Flav had a son, it would be this guy on POF. (I can't post the pic because Blogspot deletes them all, but trust me. He's got that vibe going ON!)

His tagline is, "Either you real or you fake ain't no in between"

Also keeps it real by posting this short, sweet message:

"Laid back type but out going. U keep it 100 wit me I keep it 1000 wit u."